viernes, 17 de febrero de 2017

El hombre de la limpieza que siempre estaba triste

     De niño soñaba con casarse con una princesa y la primera vez que se vio con la escoba en la mano, lloró. Su vecino había ganado una medalla de honor y se lo contaba a todo el mundo pero él quiso mantener lo más oculto posible la porquería que le salpicó una vez en el pecho limpiando un inodoro. Su madre estaba orgullosa de su hermana y decía que era una persona muy valiosa porque de muy niña, ya sabía barrer pero de él pensaba que era un pobre inútil porque barría para ganar dinero. Su amigo de toda la vida era médico y salió en las noticias porque encontró un maletín lleno de dinero y lo entregó a la policía pero él hizo lo mismo con un cheque al portador de trescientos euros y lo sacaron en un programa de humor. Las oficinas que limpiaba eran de una empresa muy importante y sus directivos siempre estaban preocupándose por las apariencias pero él tenía lo justo para vivir y lo que más le preocupaba era la realidad. Su amigo el médico se casó con una mujer de la nobleza pero a los dos años tramitaron el divorcio y se volvió a casar con una abogada, él en cambio no conseguía ninguna pareja y vivía solo con su perro y ni siquiera salía por las noches porque estaba seguro de que no encontraría nadie a quien le gustara pero un día le contó a una desconocida lo amarga que era su existencia solo para desahogarse y tan bien le cayó a ella que se casó con él para toda la vida.

The cleaning man who was always sad

     As a child, he dreamed of marrying a princess and the first time he saw the broom in his hand, he cried. His neighbor had won a medal of honor and told it to everybody, but he wanted to keep secret as much as possible the filth that splashed him once in the chest by cleaning a toilet. Her mother was proud of his sister and said that she was a very valuable person because when she was very young, she already knew how to sweep, but she thought about him that he was a poor useless because he was sweeping to make money. His lifelong friend was a doctor and he appeared at the TV news because he found a briefcase full of money and handed it to the police but he did the same with a three hundred euros carrier check and he was showed on a humor show. The offices he was cleaning were from a very important company and its managers were always worried about appearances but he had barely enough to live and what worried him most was the reality. His friend the doctor married a woman of the nobility but at two years they processed the divorce and he remarried a lawyer, he, instead, was not achieving any partner and was living alone with his dog and did not even go out at night because he was sure that he would not find anyone to whom he liked but one day he told a stranger woman how bitter was his existence just to vent and so good impression made to her that she married him for life.

©Luis Rafael García Lorente

domingo, 12 de febrero de 2017

Lo que hizo alguien que no se casó con la mujer perfecta

     Lo que más le  gustaba de los toros eran los mugidos de dolor. Leyó entera la Enciclopedia de la Historia Universal en ciento catorce volúmenes y le dejó una enorme frustración por todo lo que le quedaba por saber de la Prehistoria. Fumaba mucho por no limitarse solo a respirar. Era un fanático de los fantasmas porque no quería sentir que estamos solos en el universo y solo encontraba la paz cuando pasaba algo de miedo. Era un hombre muy tradicional, entendía tan poco la vida que improvisando habría hecho el ridículo. Quería más dinero, era la única cosa en su vida que no mentía sobre su valor. Quería que su país aumentara en importancia para sentirse por fin observado por un motivo en su existencia. Toda la semana la pasaba deseando que llegara el momento de practicar el sexo y cuando llegaba, pasaba el tiempo deseando que llegara el momento de terminar. Consideraba injusta la muerte porque era un mal absoluto mientras que la vida era un bien a medias.

What did someone who did not marry the perfect woman

     What he liked most about the bullfightings were the bellow of pain. He read the entire Encyclopaedia of Universal History in one hundred and fourteen volumes and it left him with enormous frustration for all that remained him unknown of Prehistory. He smoked a lot to not limit himself to breath. He was a fan of ghosts because he did not want to feel that we were alone in the universe and he only found peace when he felt a little of fear. He was a very traditional man, he understood so little the life that if he had improvised, he would have made a fool of himself. He wanted more money, it was the only thing in his life that did not lie about its value. He wanted his country to increase in importance to feel finally observed for a reason in his existence. He was spending the whole week wishing it was time to practice sex and when it came, he was spending the time wishing it was time to finish. He considered death unjust because it was an absolute evil while life was a half-good.

©Luis Rafael García Lorente

lunes, 6 de febrero de 2017

De lo que quieren oír hablar los políticos y las personas serias

     Le quitaron el uso de la palabra en el hemiciclo por hacer comentarios demasiado personales, improcedentes en una asamblea del nivel de aquella, su “socorro, me muero” fue considerado de muy mal gusto, una búsqueda intolerable de protagonismo que demostraba su escasa vocación de servicio público y su lamentable e insolidario narcisismo, sujetado por dos de los diputados que se prestaron espontáneamente a desalojarlo a la fuerza de la sala escandalizados y avergonzados de la bajeza de semejante persona, fue conducido al exterior en un estado de palidez completa y tras mostrarle uno y otro con sus palabras de completa repulsa hasta qué punto les había decepcionado su actitud, lo dejaron solo en un sillón del pasillo donde a los pocos minutos, sin confesión, dejó este mundo.

About what politicians and serious people want to hear

      They removed to him the use of the word in the Chamber for making too personal comments, inappropriate in an assembly of the level of that one, his "help, I die" was considered someting of very bad taste, an intolerable search of protagonism that showed his little vocation of public service and his lamentable and unsupportive narcissism, held by two of the deputies who spontaneously lent themselves to evict him to the force of the room scandalized and ashamed of the baseness of such a person, he was led abroad in a state of complete pallor and after both showing him with their words of complete disgust how intensely his attitude had disappointed them, they left him alone in a couch in the corridor where, within a few minutes, without confession, he left this world.

©Luis Rafael García Lorente

miércoles, 1 de febrero de 2017

El adivino

    Había conseguido que su empleado firmara sin ser consciente una declaración de mal comportamiento para poder despedirlo sin coste alguno y llegó a su hogar contento pero apareció el perro, que llevaba en las patas el barro del jardín y encaramándose por zalamería sobre él, le manchó los pantalones; lleno de furia, le gritó unas maldiciones y entró en casa todavía refunfuñando; al verlo su mujer, le preguntó cómo se había manchado y él respondió:
     -Ha sido ese cabrón de perro, que disfruta fastidiando.
     Como los perros no hablan, su hijo pequeño, que le había oído, imaginó que su padre era adivino y se metía en la cabeza de los animales.

The fortune teller

     He had managed to get his employee to sign, without being aware, a statement of bad behavior to dismiss him at no cost and he arrived home happy but appeared the dog, that had on the legs the mud of the garden and by climbbing up at him for flattery, it stained his pants; full of fury, he yelled curses against it and entered the house still grunting; when his wife saw him, she asked him how he had got himself dirty and he replied:
      "That bastard dog, that enjoys pestering."
      As the dogs do not speak, his young son, who had heard him, imagined that his father was a fortune-teller and he went into the head of the animals.

©Luis Rafael García Lorente